Slay at Negotiation
How to Walk In With Confidence + Walk Out With What you Want
Palms shaking as I desperately tried to slow down my breath, I was outside my big New York City law firm interview, coming from a nonprofit job, I so badly wanted to hit it big time.
I had committed to trying out a negotiation technique I learned in law school. It had worked for me previously in smaller situations, let’s see if it could work on the big stage.
Before law school, negotiation had been a painfully awkward experience for me. Being more introverted, it was already difficult for me to express my needs in normal social situations. Having to be simultaneously assertive, confident, coy, and eloquent at the same time seemed impossible.
This new technique was different from any I had learned before.
It wasn’t hardball or aggressive. (Ick!)
I didn’t have to act like a calculated ice queen, slick wise guy, or used car salesman. (Thank the Universe!)
Instead this technique was collaborative and problem-solving. The steps flowed naturally, and I could approach it from a place of value and service — honoring my skills and experience while acknowledging the firm’s needs as well.
But even this step was a big deal for me. Speaking up for myself never was my forte. Even as a lawyer at the time, I advocated exceedingly better for my clients than I ever did for myself.
Growing up, I was shy and self-conscious. I wasn’t sure if my voice or opinion mattered. I just wanted people to like me. And I certainly didn’t want to be seen as “difficult”, “high maintenance”, or the dreaded B-word. (Yanno, the typical code words for women who have opinions!)
But the more time went on, and the less I spoke up, the more and more I felt out of control of my life. I wasn’t the driver of my life. Life was just happening to me.
And even worse, it wasn’t even a life I was completely happy with! I felt constantly torn between jobs that fulfilled my passion and purpose, and jobs I knew I wouldn’t like but paid well. I was a young lawyer hungry to prove herself. I didn’t feel inspired or at home where I lived, and was decidedly not thrilled with the awkwardly laid-out apartment I was living in (for 8 years)! I was stuck in a fog-filled ocean, being carried by the waves, existing in a weird balance of floating and drowning, with no land in sight.
And I craved something more — a bigger life, a better job, finding a place I loved living, an adventure — but I didn’t know how to get it (or even say I wanted it).
But that day, I committed to try something new, to honor myself. To bet on myself. It was the one thing I hadn’t tried yet. That day, I walked out of that interview with the job … at a salary that was double what I was making! I couldn’t believe it! I cried so joyfully that night!
A year later I used that same negotiation technique to gain a promotion to a position that included company travel and a $10,000 raise! Then 6 months later I had negotiated a substantially company-funded relocation from New York to Seattle! Within 18 months, I had gone from a place of feeling out of control and lost, to having a good fulfilling job, great salary, traveled the country on the firm’s dime, and started a new chapter in my life in a place I absolutely love -- in a cozy apartment surrounded by trees and a water view, minutes from the beach!
The best part of this negotiation technique is the ability adapt into almost any situation. Apart from salary negotiations and my work as a lawyer advocating for clients, I have used this technique to negotiate a better deal when my husband and I were car shopping, negotiate with landlords to approve my cats (even in supposedly “no pet” apartments), and negotiate with fellow entrepreneurs on successful collaborative ventures.
I can’t say whether this collaborative problem solving negotiation technique is as brilliant as Einstein, but it is a pretty powerful and effective tool to hack your life to the next level.
So let’s talk about you….
Hello Darling! If you’ve landed on this page, chances are you’ve got some big dreams, an even bigger heart, and are more than capable of being the rockstar of your life, but the thought of speaking up and advocating for yourself makes you wanna hide under the covers.
Girl, I get it!
As kids we were often told (verbally or through experiences) that our preferences didn’t matter “until we were adults”. But then at 18 or 21, we still didn’t feel like our voice mattered.
(And why would it? After decades of programming, mindset doesn’t flip on a dime!)
As women, most of us were never given that talk about negotiations and handshakes, and if we were coached on any negotiations strategies at all, they likely preached aggression, manipulation, and win at all costs. The irony, of course, is we all know how society reacts to aggressive, ambitious, assertive women — with discomfort or disdain.
It can feel like a hopeless, lose-lose, no way out situation.
But I’m here to say No More, Sister! There is hope!
The negotiation technique I use is a collaborative problem-solving technique takes on a more holistic view of the negotiating process and capitalizes on a cooperative style that addresses the needs and concerns of all parties involved. Because the end result is focused on both parties succeeding, rather than an all-or-nothing game, many women find this technique compatible with their personalities and values, and often achieve more successful results from their negotiations.
The value of this technique truly has no limit, and do not underestimate what it can do for you – my wins using this *exact* technique include:
- Doubled my salary in every successive job!!!
- $10,000 raise with a promotion!!!
- Cross-country relocation in which the company paid for more than half the relocation expenses!!!
- Winning track record of plea deals + settlement offers in my legal career!!!
- Amazing deals on cars and apartments (including getting pets approved into supposedly "no pet" apartments)!!!
- Started my own business!!!
Even better, the basic principles and strategies behind this technique can be used in almost any kind of negotiation. So whether you are trying to negotiate your next salary or promotion, or as entrepreneurs negotiating a new business relationship or joint venture, or in real estate, car buying/selling, divorce or dissolution of a personal or professional relationship, or even when trying to resolve issues with family or friends, this technique will be your back pocket Ace for getting what you want!
So let's get you negotiating like a pro and upleveling your life beyond belief!
“This would be a great course for anyone wanting to learn how to develop and sustain “negotiating confidence”. I have been running a private practice for over 15 years and have never felt more prepared to fully address and handle the obstacles I have faced for years around raising my rates with clients until I learned how to with, ‘Slay At Negotiations’. This course gave me everything I needed to effectively and courageously face my INTERNAL negotiations- which has been far more of a challenge for me than any one person or business experience. I learned how to successfully organize my thoughts, beliefs, and habits, then clearly define how to see the perspective of whom or what I’m negotiating with. With Stella’s teaching and course direction, I was then able to devise a clearly articulated, well-thought out plan on how to reach my end goals. I prefer the win-win approach in life, but didn’t realize that it can be just as powerful and still a positive outcome when you choose to walk away from a deal that doesn’t serve you!”
- Jessie Mowry, Master UnTherapy Practitioner + Certified Life Coach, Jessie Mowry Counseling
In Slay At Negotiations you will learn:
- Negotiation Styles
- Negotiation Strategies
- Stages of a Negotiation
- The Collaborative Problem-Solving Negotiation Technique
- How To Prepare for a Negotiation Using the Collaborative Problem-Solving Technique
- Adapting the Collaborative Problem-Solving Technique for Salary Negotiation
- Adapting the Collaborative Problem-Solving Technique for Business Negotiation
- How To Use the Collaborative Problem-Solving Technique in a Negotiation
- *BONUS* Adapting the Collaborative Problem-Solving Technique for Personal Life Negotiation
- *BONUS* Lessons in Confidence
If you’re like me and a lot of other women, negotiation itself can feel like a dirty word that brings up all sorts of feelings, mostly of the icky variety. But it doesn’t have to be that way! At its essence, negotiation is simply a tool of persuasive communication and a vital one at that, and yes, you can learn it and make it work for you!
Bottom Line: In Slay At Negotiations, you learn what a negotiation is, how to make it work for you, when to walk away when it doesn't work for you, and how to change the dirty word of negotiation into the Cinderella Slipper for living your best life!
Slay At Negotiations includes:
- 6 Core Episodes + 2 *BONUS* Episodes (totaling over 1.5 hours of video training!!!) [Value $1000]
- 100+ page Workshop Guide + Workbook including 50 pages of Hands-On Worksheets to guide you in preparing for a negotiation [Value $500]
- *BONUS* Episode Negotiating In Your Personal Life [Value $200]
- *BONUS* 20+ Pages of Hands-On Worksheets for preparing for a personal life negotiation included in the Workbook [Value $100]
- *BONUS* Episode Lessons in Confidence [Value $200]
- *BONUS* 3 Pages of hands-on Worksheets for gaining confidence [Value $100]
- Taught by a Juris Doctor + Certified Life Coach [Value $200,000]
Slay At Negotiations is for:
- Anyone looking to negotiate their salary, a promotion, or relocation.
- Entrepreneurs, business professionals, and bossbabes who want to collaborate with others.
- Real estate agents who are looking for a better way to negotiate on behalf of their clients.
- Home and car buyers/sellers who want to understand negotiation better and take a more active role.
- Anyone involved in sales or in a sales-based industry.
- Anyone experiencing a divorce or dissolution of a personal or professional relationship.
- Anyone who wants to problem solve issues with family and friends.
- Anyone who simply wants to learn how to negotiate and advocate for themselves to create positive changes in their life, and enhance their conflict resolution skills.
And if you’ve ever felt like:
- You were passed over for a raise or promotion because you weren’t assertive enough,
- Your business deal didn’t honor your bottom line because you didn’t know how to speak up, or
- Your needs, desires, and preferences are constantly swept aside because you feel awkward raising your hand and yelling “hey, I’m here!”,
Then don’t let that pain stop you ever again from getting what you want - this workshop is definitely for you!
I hold a certification in Life + Personal Development Coaching from the Women’s Leadership Institute for Conscious Coaching (WLICC). While attending WLICC, I studied under Dr. Sunny Massad, Ph.D., founder and retired psychologist, in the Untherapy coaching methodology, which blends principles of Western psychology with Eastern philosophy, respects one’s intuition and inner wisdom, and promotes creative right-brained positive (solution-oriented) psychology to train your mind to be a compassionate and dedicated life manager to your heart’s desires, turning dreams of living a creative, authentic life into reality.
I graduated with a Juris Doctor (J.D.) from the Elisabeth Haub School of Law at Pace University in 2012 and magna cum laude from the University of New Haven with a B.S. in Criminal Justice in 2008. During college, I interned at Perverted Justice to apprehend child predators, and worked as an event coordinator and DJ for Necropolis Events/DarkStar Festival. Upon college graduation, I accepted a position as a paralegal in the child abuse unit of the New York County (Manhattan) District Attorney’s Office. During law school, I served as a legal intern at the Bronx County District Attorney’s Office (sex crimes and child abuse unit), Honors Legal Intern at the Westchester County District Attorney’s Office (misdemeanor domestic violence), a legal intern at the Pace Women’s Justice Center’s Family Court Legal Program representing victims of domestic violence, and a legal research internship at the New York State Parent Education and Awareness Program. After law school graduation, I worked as a Policy and Advocacy Fellow at the Joyful Heart Foundation in Manhattan and at The Center for Sexual Assault Crisis Counseling and Education in Stamford, CT as the Lead Crisis Advocate/Hotline Manager, Volunteer Programs Manager, and Legislative Laison. I was hired at a national disability law firm headquartered in New York in 2014, where I represented clients at Social Security Disability hearings across 20 states. In 2018, I left the corporate world to launch Soulfire Tribe.
I was born in Westchester County, NY and grew up between there and Fairfield County, CT. I moved to the west coast in September 2016 and currently reside in the Seattle-Tacoma area of Washington State. I love living in the Pacific Northwest with my awesome group of friends, enjoy hiking and camping, visits to museums, zoos, and aquariums, attending shows and festivals, reading, writing, poetry, film, theatre, spending time in nature, and traveling. Libraries, bookstores, and Nature are my safe spaces and I’m always looking to learn and try something new!
StartWorkshop Guide + Workbook
StartEpisode 1: Hello World (Introduction + Setting Expectations) (15:31)
StartEpisode 2: All About Those Basics (Negotiation Styles, Strategies, + Stages) (9:17)
StartEpisode 3: Mile High Club (Negotiation Prep Overview) (15:37)
StartEpisode 4: Show Me The Money (Salary Negotiation Prep) (17:21)
StartEpisode 5: I'm Your Huckleberry (Business Negotiation Prep) (13:19)
StartEpisode 6: Welcome to the Party, Pal! (In the Negotiation) (17:57)
Start*BONUS* Episode 7: Can't We All Just Get Along?! (Personal Life Negotiation) (13:35)
Start*BONUS* Episode 8: GLOW (Lessons in Confidence) (9:48)
Frequently Asked Questions
Don't sell yourself short, by allowing limiting beliefs, doubts, and fears continue to hold you back. Learn how to negotiate with confidence and begin changing your business, your world + the world around you. Believe in your limitless potential -- the magic within us when we fuel our love + creativity with our energy. It starts with our mindset of believing in ourselves, our worth, that we deserve a good life and continues with the evolution and resources + skills for thriving at Life. Without growth we stagnate. Continuing to encourage ourselves to grow + evolve, to stretch our comfort zones, to dream to dare, to achieve keeps us in touch with our soul, our highest self, our purpose for being. Invest in yourself and start gaining the skills to change your business + life today!